CHLOE ♥

I dont even know where to begin with this post. I am so confused and completly unsure of myself as a mom right now. I try my best to make all the right decisions for my kids. I never want to do something that would cause them pain or harm. I am at such a loss about her health situation right now. Im not sure if I am going to go thru with the testing that the Dr wants me to. We already tried one test and failed. Friday we went to the hospital so she could have her upper GI. She wouldnt drink the barium. i tried to force it down her but she kept gagging and throwing it up. No way could I continue to force it on her. It was too much for her and for me too. It about broke my heart. Our next test is a endoscopy. Where they will put her under. I am scared to death!!! I keep going back and forth...does she need this??? really???? The DR saw her all of 5 min TOPS and wants to do this to my baby???
In the past month or so her symptoms have gotten better. She is sleeping better, choking less, hasnt vomitted (only a couple times) and Im just not sure if we need to do this test. Every single time I think about this test, I get a sick feeling. What if something goes wrong??? Could she die? If there is even the smallest risk, its too much of a risk. What if she does this test and it shows nothing...then I will have put her thru this crap for no reason. Seriously evey single time I think about going thru with this, I feel so sick and my anxiety level goes thru the roof.
Then there is the other side of me....what if there is something wrong????? How horrible will I feel if something happens because I didnt do this test.
I dont know what to do. Should we wait?? See if something else works? Or just nip it in the bud??

Sometimes being a mom is so hard :(